He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
