and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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