i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
