I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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