My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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