I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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