Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
