Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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