the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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