heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
