i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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