He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
