Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
