You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
