I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
