How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dignity is for republicans.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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