i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
