I wish I could punch you in the face.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
