im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
