who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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