Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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