she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize