you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
