I'm laying in your front yard are you home
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
