the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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