dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize