worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
