I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
