chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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