Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
