There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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