Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
