Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
