Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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