i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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