Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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