Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize