My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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