some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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