Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
