that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
