My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
