and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
