Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
