ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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