i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
