so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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