I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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