I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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