I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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