All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
