she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
