i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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