dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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