Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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