Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
