YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
