so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
