it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
