M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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