Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
